and a happy new year

happy christmas

the 3 merry lads...

...were actually bea, me, dan and rach. but we did have a very good time. the grinder was a bit too smoky/ busy/ horrible, so we went on elsewhere and found a very pleasant pub in the peaks of the above name. apart from the wierd, darth vader like dog.... a very good evening we had.

and it was good to see hugh, kate h et al whilst at the grindstone.

red lion. tonight.

hi all,
rach, bea and i and a few others are going to the red deer just off mappin street for a few drinks tonight - anyone else is more than welcome to join us - we'll be there from 8.30 onwards, and will be finishing in time to get to the 11.30pm carol service at church.
as anyone who's been there will know (apart from stephen of course!) they do some excellent english beers at equally good prices, and roaring log fires to toast yourself on...
so if you wanna come, then we'll seeya there, or give us a call to arrange transport (which may or may not happen...)

oh dear - unfortunately the red deer is not open tonight... so it'll be the grindstone up in crookes instead - which means its closer to stagger when you go for carols at st toms.

at last...

photos from the sofa weekend away on lindisfarne. 2 pages of photos actually. excuse all the scernery shots... maybe got a bit carried away...

some lovely introverted blabbing...

i am really struggling at the moment with being an apostolic visionary. it feels like a really hard thing to carry even though i let God carry it and don't stress it's always there. it's particularly hard now that people are investing in my prophetic gifting as well because i continue to feel misunderstood and one step ahead of where others are at. if i was really proud and arrogant this would be a fab thing but as it is i have had such a hard year and just really need to get healed and be loved that it just feels really hard.

it's difficult as well because SOFA was a thing into which i was totally released at first and then when i stepped on to do the coffee shop it was so hard to have that door slammed in my face. we felt it was attack although it was suggested that it might be God protecting us. then at mary and pete's beautiful wedding on saturday they read out of isaiah where God says that no attack made against you will come from him and i just felt this surge of anger about both SOFA and the coffee shop. a lot of my time leading SOFA felt like the very core of who God made me to be was being attacked ie. the visionary apostolic person who's identity is primarily as a worshipper. but due to my unique musical gifting, which really only a few others share such as caroline clifford, this is something that in the established church i'll not really be released into leading.

so i'm in this place of not leading because i need to be loved more and get better more before God can release me again to lead and therefore holding all the vision and apostolic stuff which even though i explain it to people when they ask, they never really get it. or if they do get it they don't carry the vision or the passion. and with the other apostles out there and the other visionaries out there - we all seem to carry something different and none of us are particularly pastoral so it's not like you can lament on a similar person's shoulder!!

i am cooking goose this year for Christmas - one apostolic thing which i am confident i can carry out! my Christmas cakes were, however, a disaster and all but one little one went mouldy. this was particularly gutting as i made one big one adn then eight little ones to give as presents. now we'll have the one little one that survived and those of you who might have got one as a present will go hungry!

return of the king...

....was amazing!

at first i thought it was the one that they changed the least.... but then i was thinking about it afterwards, and realised there were quite a few things they did change, but they were nothing i thought they really needed, or were noticably left out and so i just didnt notice those bits. and all the bits i was worried they'd take out, were all in there - every one of them - especially the bit in mount doom and the bit with the witch king and eowyn. i think the only bit that they missed out to its detriment was tying up aragorn - i mean the film was called return of the king, so the king returned, and then he didnt really do anything. it was only hinted as to what happened with him and arwen. and nothing else. plus the end bits were all a bit too soft focus-ish, but a minor complaint for such a good film and trilogy.

the film really was incredible. the beginning bit with smeagol was scarily good.
and possibly the best line in the book, "i cannot carry the ring mister frodo, but i can carry you"

that is how a trilogy was s'posed to be made and finished.

not like the matrix.

oh my word!!!

i'm bidding for an accordian on ebay. i cant believe i'm doing this... pic of it here...
errr. thats was odd. it just got sold for almost twice the initial place. have never bid for something on an auction before - didnt like it...

a few good things...

have found out you can eat kiwi skins. which is useful when you dont have a knife and spoon handy whilst walkling round town.

the weathers amazing at the moment - my favorite type - cold, clear and frosty - means i can walk to town with lots of my favourite clothes on and not get too hot like i normally would.

lots of vapour trails going across the sky. not sure why i like them so much...

have just ordered the (latest waterson: carthy (more traditional folk ) album and the) first 2 kate rusby albums from amazon. have realised recently that i dont own them. wasnt sure why when i like her later 3 albums so much... maybe caus i'm still not bored of them and so didnt feel any need to get more stuff of hers. even though i've listened to her stuuf pretty much everyday for the past year, i'm still not bored of it... see last thing on this post...

its only a couple of days till the end of term. i cant believe how much i'm looking forward to this. and its all ending with a day of lord of the rings.

and lastly, bea and i are going away for a day/ night at the weekend to a place in pickering (up near whitby somewhere) called Rivendelle, which is where the elves live in the aforementioned world. how exciting is that?!

we're going to see the elves, master frodo.

ps, if anyone out there has a violin or an accordian they're not using at the moment, could tracey and me (respectively) borrow them please. bit of a long shot, but you'd make our years at least...

mozilla

having taken note of mike's enthusiasm for mozilla firebird, i've downloaded it (on the super fast uni computers, then took it home on my clever little mp3 player) and installed it. not entirely sure i like it, and its true - theres no snow on it.

other bit of bad(ish) news - the red deer - the pub we were planning to go to in the evening on christmas day wont be open then. so we'll be looking for another similarly lovely pub to frequent with friends...

looking forward to friday though - all 3 lord of the rings films in a day (!)

it was me!!

well, last nights murder mystery was a good laugh, and i even had the honour of being the murderer. it would seem that i was given orders from my bosses (as someone deeply involved in the criminal underworld, but posing as an american journalist) to fix a race and make loads of money on it. so i drugged then suffocated the jockey of the favourite to win. it was me.... mwwaa ha ha..... (possibly some photos to follow)

oh - if you look carefully, you can see 2 screws in the top corners of the fire place - we had to drill those in (!) yesterday - my ears are still ringing. hope i've not got tinitus...

we have fire!!

and so the hardest parts of the lounge are now done - we've lit a fire and theres no smoke coming out in the attic room yet, the TV's set up ready for lord of the rings on friday, the christmas tree is up and decorated, and generally, the rooms looking pretty damn good!!

personaility disorder test...

just done that - whilst its not very clear how to interpret the results, its pretty interesting...

dont worry - not likely to kill anyone - i'm just fairy lacking in self esteem and can be a tiny bit clingy apparently.

take it yourself here

i'm bored

in case it wasn't obvious.

enneagrams....

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 46% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 46% Type 3 Ambition |||||| 22% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 58% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 54% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 54% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 26% Type 8 Hostility |||||||||||| 42% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 46% Your Conscious-Surface type is 4w5 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 5w4

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

more myers-briggs

noticed that si w has put up the actual scores - in a similar way, found myself quite close to the 50% mark on them - we're obviously very balanced people

hmmm... maybe not...

Introverted (I) 58.82% Extroverted (E) 41.18% Intuitive (N) 56.67% Sensing (S) 43.33% Thinking (T) 53.85% Feeling (F) 46.15% Perceiving (P) 59.26% Judging (J) 40.74%

something else on christmas songs

found out yesterday that someone had done some research into the effects of christmas songs - you know - those cheery heralds of good tidings and peace on earth, topped off by a sprinkle of kiddy choirs and a few sleigh bells, all served on a plate of commercialism.

it would appear that the number of attacks on shop staff by the customers go up when they're played in their particular stores.

i also heard that someone is another country is trying to sue their employer for the psychological disturbance caused by repeated exposure to this seasonal muzak.

bit of a contrast to bea's previous post - maybe we all need to get out of the shops at this time of year and find places where no musics being played at all.

thoughts

it seems ages ago that we went to Holy Island. while we were there i wrote a meditation which i had planned to lead at some point on the weekend but it didn't happen and then i thought i would do it when we got back some time but i don't think that feels right now - this morning on the loo i thought God was suggesting i put it up on the blog. so here it is - a meditation/reflection on silence while in a place of solitude...

when you slow down and let the silence soak through your very being, you start to be aware of so much more.

It's as though your senses have been sleeping.

As you start to relax into the silence, you realise it isn't silent at all. in fact, there's a carefully composed melody all around.

as the waves lap up against the rocks you start to breathe in time with the natural rhythm of the tide. the gentle waves fill the structure of the sound with a calming continuum of song within which the sea gulls provide the harmonies.

then you notice in the distance that you can hear the dull hum of a motor - maybe a boat or a car. your ears seem to relax and open up and then you become aware that you are breathing deeper, using all the space in your lungs so that your tummy rises and falls with each breath in and out.

if you breathe through your nose you can smell the greenness of the seaweed and the hint of salt in the air and it seems to refresh you with new life.

even your eyes come alive to the many colours that leap out of the stillness - the mustard yellow and silver grey of the moss-like patterns on the rocks.

across the water the sun projects a glistening trail of light which sparkles with every movement of the water's surface.

nature seems to thrive even though much is dying back in the autumn season.

still, there are tiny pearl mushrooms which leap out of the grass and when you take the time to look, the thistles have lost their green spikes and coloured flowers but have been transformed into delicate, gentle heads of brown whiskers with soft white fur.

there are shells where you don't expect them and small brown feathers caught in some coarse blades of grass.

the air is cold and your fingers are starting to bite a bit but somehow you have entered this rare space of relaxation which has set you apart from yourself and fused you with your environment.

in this place you can hear the still small voice of God whispering to you about how precious you are.

tingles rush through your limbs as you feel the Spirit rejoicing over you with singing.

here are the quiet waters and the green pastures.

here is the nourishment and living water.

here is where you know that even in the silence you are never alone.

have read a bit more of wild at heart....

some brief bits from the book:

"the problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to thier wives, or raise their children. but if they will try really hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming.... a nice guy. thats what we hold up as models of christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. we dont smoke, drink or swear; that's what makes us men. now let me ask my male readers: in all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing.... or merely nice?)"

"there are 3 desires i find written deeply into my heart i know now i can no longer disrgard them without losing my soul. they are core to who and what i am and yearn to be (...) in the heart of every man is a desparate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

"aggression is part of the masculine design, we are hardwired for it. if we believe that man is made in the image of God, then we would do well to remember that 'the Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name' (ex 15:3)"

"Compare your experience watching the latest James Bond or Indiana jones thriller with, say, going to Bible study. The guaranteed success of each new release makes it clear - adventure is written in the heart of a man"

"you see, its not just that a man needs a battle to fight; he needs someone to fight for (...) the battle is never enough; a man yearns for romance. its not enough to be a hero; its that he is a hero to someone in particular, to the woman he loves. Adam was given the wind and the sea, the horse and the hawk, but as God himself said, things were just not right until there was eve."

"there is something fierce... wild... passionate at the heart of every man"

this was written mostly in the context of whats gone a bit wrong in masculinity in the church (and the world) these days.

(and get this - the guy i'm taking notes for at the mo has just brought "max payne 2, a film noir love story (with bullet time!)" - and this is what it says on the back of the box:
"his life in ruins, Max Payne finds himself back on the NYPD. during a rountine murder investigation, he runs into Mona Sax, a woman he thought dead, a femme fatale murder suspect. she holds the keys to the questions that haunt him. but nothing is simple in the dark tragic night of new york city. an army of thugs stand between max and the answers he seeks. his journey deeper into his own personal hell continues. 'you'd have to be a first-degree fool to fall for a woman who returns from the dead only to put a gun to your face' love hurts...")

the bit i got all excited about when i was reading this was something i remember dan c said when he was reading the book. if we are made in the image of God, then the things that we are, are also characteristics of the God who made us.

God wants adventure, he needs to fight, and he wants to fight for something, or more to the point, he wants to fight for someone - and that is his bride, the church, ie you and me. God wants to romance us, fight for us, go on adventure with us (and we're not the adventure, he leads us on the adventure with him).

i've never thought of God that way, as someone who's trying to win our hearts, someone chasing after us, trying to catch our eye. someone who'll fight for us, someone who'll go a bit crazy every now and then.

and at this christmas time, there was that awesome campaign by the church a few years ago (that ben a put up a little while ago too):

jesus - meek and mild? as if.

we've turned God into a Really Nice Guy.

how crap is that?!

is christmas coming??

today's actually been the first day of the season that i've had the misfortune to hear one of those bloody awful christmas song that get played round about now. the offending piece was "so this is christmas", not sure who its by, but we all know it.

i'm just glad its got this close to the day, and i've not heard any of them yet.

there you are - a piece of thanksgiving for y'all...

wild at heart

have just started reading the above book. only on pg10 so far but it's gonna be a good one i reckon. everyone else i know who's read it found it really good - giving permission seems to be what the books about.

more later when i've read more of it.

same here.

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

its a pretty good one too. dead accurate - all 4 of us (ant and caroline incl) were all pretty spot on about our results. i think...

free myers briggs test told me nothing i didn't already know!

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

my first album review!!!

"Midnight's Silent Repose

Andy Marshall & Mark Stoney (holey moley)

An interesting one off, and another piece of work
which is largely instrumental (seems to be a lot of
it about this month). This was recorded between
2000 and 2002 in Mark Stoney's basement at the
same time as he was working on his own solo album
'Amber'. What's always surprising about these types
of recordings are how rich and full they sound. The
bigger the stereo you whack this baby through the
better it sounds. The majority of the tracks are res-
olutely gentle, melodies ebbing and flowing against
a backdrop of keyboards, and occasional strings
and woodwind. Apparently one of the tracks has
been picked up on a post-rock compilation which
only muddies the descriptive process further. The
standout track is the one which doesn't stick to the
mini-albums basic template. 'The Only One That
Stayed' marries a complete sample of an American
Gospel preaching building towards a fiery, oratorical
climax while the rhythms and cadences of the hoarse
Southern accent are carried along in a building
maelstrom of guitars and feedback. The album's
worth getting hold of for this track alone even though
there is plenty of pleasant, if sometimes slightly
directionless meandering, harmony going on.
Mark's been signed to island, it would good to hear
more from Andy."

- Sandman Magazine

i think that was actually positive!!

still on sale folks. £10 a piece.

its snowing!!!

hows that for the christmassy sparkles promised?

its probably slowing eveything down, so it'll end up being removed no doubt. anyway, enjoy it while its there. it could be a blizzard tomorrow... thanks (or "big up", as is the parlence of the blogging community these days) to ant for that one.

and hello to emily if she finds herself here....

if i were a rich man...

well tonight, i won £36 000 which is more than half our mortgage paid off in just an evenings work.

not bad i s'pose.

yay!

ouch!

more identity issues...

having done the "which primate are you?" quiz, i came out as the gibbon, but they look kinda dumb and when i saw the tarmarin, decided i'd be one of those instead

oooh - i think i like this though...

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

by the way - being pregnant is a little weird but it is a great way to see God perform the most amazing provisions! the other day i pooed out out four days of constipation in one go. it was amazing - so cleansing. which reminds me that i never did blog about my meditations on the relationship between pooing and confession.

i am also shattered as a result of making this ickle one. well, God is making it but it sure feels like he's using my energy to do it! i tend to sleep between 4 and 6 pm then go to bed again at about 10! and last night i ate the most lovely tea of steak pie, brussels and mashed potato only to through it up violently within minutes. at least the clementine i ate a few hours later stayed down - good to know that our baby got some vitamin C if nothing else!

by the way neil lambert - do you still read our blog regularly? you have been on my mind in a precius way so i have been sending butterfly blessings your way!

i'm not sure i like what i am...

You are starch. You are rigid, opinionated, hard-
willed and not too friendly about it. You keep
people out of places, or you keep them in, and
without you a lot of things would collapse.
hopefully you'll never have the authority to
burn people at the stake. Sir. Ma'am.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i am rebellious DNA.

You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate authority and do everything you can to get around the law, or in some cases, break it. Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a decision is made. Your nature is fiery and courageous, and always out-going. You love attention and usually have kinky fetishes you're not afraid to explore. People either love you or hate you.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i got the same kind of soul as si w which is a compliment, but i'm not too sure about my given description - actually i s'pose most of its right, just not the attention loving and outward going bit... and the kinky bits? hmmm - ask bea.

all good - more insights into my "incredibly complex" personality

xmas is coming...

a ha - so i see my employer has followed suit and "christmased" up his blog too.

like most commercial websites out there now. good to see we're all getting in the mood for it all. just wait till it really starts snowing!

just a reminder, theres a ceilidh coming up this friday - theres even more coming now (but a bloke or two would be nice!) - if you want to, email/ phone/ text/ see me about it - it'll be a great laugh - highly recommended!

oh - the other thing - i'm going to a murder mystery party at our neighbours house on the 13th (or something around there) and i'm going as may vest, some glamour puss wearing a long velvety ball dress. obviously i dont own one of these, but am appealing to any tallish girls out there with one they dont mind lending it to me for the evening.

and i promise there'll be photos on the blog afterwards!!!!!!!!!22 (!!)