and a happy new year

happy christmas

the 3 merry lads...

...were actually bea, me, dan and rach. but we did have a very good time. the grinder was a bit too smoky/ busy/ horrible, so we went on elsewhere and found a very pleasant pub in the peaks of the above name. apart from the wierd, darth vader like dog.... a very good evening we had.

and it was good to see hugh, kate h et al whilst at the grindstone.

red lion. tonight.

hi all,
rach, bea and i and a few others are going to the red deer just off mappin street for a few drinks tonight - anyone else is more than welcome to join us - we'll be there from 8.30 onwards, and will be finishing in time to get to the 11.30pm carol service at church.
as anyone who's been there will know (apart from stephen of course!) they do some excellent english beers at equally good prices, and roaring log fires to toast yourself on...
so if you wanna come, then we'll seeya there, or give us a call to arrange transport (which may or may not happen...)

oh dear - unfortunately the red deer is not open tonight... so it'll be the grindstone up in crookes instead - which means its closer to stagger when you go for carols at st toms.

at last...

photos from the sofa weekend away on lindisfarne. 2 pages of photos actually. excuse all the scernery shots... maybe got a bit carried away...

some lovely introverted blabbing...

i am really struggling at the moment with being an apostolic visionary. it feels like a really hard thing to carry even though i let God carry it and don't stress it's always there. it's particularly hard now that people are investing in my prophetic gifting as well because i continue to feel misunderstood and one step ahead of where others are at. if i was really proud and arrogant this would be a fab thing but as it is i have had such a hard year and just really need to get healed and be loved that it just feels really hard.

it's difficult as well because SOFA was a thing into which i was totally released at first and then when i stepped on to do the coffee shop it was so hard to have that door slammed in my face. we felt it was attack although it was suggested that it might be God protecting us. then at mary and pete's beautiful wedding on saturday they read out of isaiah where God says that no attack made against you will come from him and i just felt this surge of anger about both SOFA and the coffee shop. a lot of my time leading SOFA felt like the very core of who God made me to be was being attacked ie. the visionary apostolic person who's identity is primarily as a worshipper. but due to my unique musical gifting, which really only a few others share such as caroline clifford, this is something that in the established church i'll not really be released into leading.

so i'm in this place of not leading because i need to be loved more and get better more before God can release me again to lead and therefore holding all the vision and apostolic stuff which even though i explain it to people when they ask, they never really get it. or if they do get it they don't carry the vision or the passion. and with the other apostles out there and the other visionaries out there - we all seem to carry something different and none of us are particularly pastoral so it's not like you can lament on a similar person's shoulder!!

i am cooking goose this year for Christmas - one apostolic thing which i am confident i can carry out! my Christmas cakes were, however, a disaster and all but one little one went mouldy. this was particularly gutting as i made one big one adn then eight little ones to give as presents. now we'll have the one little one that survived and those of you who might have got one as a present will go hungry!

return of the king...

....was amazing!

at first i thought it was the one that they changed the least.... but then i was thinking about it afterwards, and realised there were quite a few things they did change, but they were nothing i thought they really needed, or were noticably left out and so i just didnt notice those bits. and all the bits i was worried they'd take out, were all in there - every one of them - especially the bit in mount doom and the bit with the witch king and eowyn. i think the only bit that they missed out to its detriment was tying up aragorn - i mean the film was called return of the king, so the king returned, and then he didnt really do anything. it was only hinted as to what happened with him and arwen. and nothing else. plus the end bits were all a bit too soft focus-ish, but a minor complaint for such a good film and trilogy.

the film really was incredible. the beginning bit with smeagol was scarily good.
and possibly the best line in the book, "i cannot carry the ring mister frodo, but i can carry you"

that is how a trilogy was s'posed to be made and finished.

not like the matrix.

oh my word!!!

i'm bidding for an accordian on ebay. i cant believe i'm doing this... pic of it here...
errr. thats was odd. it just got sold for almost twice the initial place. have never bid for something on an auction before - didnt like it...

a few good things...

have found out you can eat kiwi skins. which is useful when you dont have a knife and spoon handy whilst walkling round town.

the weathers amazing at the moment - my favorite type - cold, clear and frosty - means i can walk to town with lots of my favourite clothes on and not get too hot like i normally would.

lots of vapour trails going across the sky. not sure why i like them so much...

have just ordered the (latest waterson: carthy (more traditional folk ) album and the) first 2 kate rusby albums from amazon. have realised recently that i dont own them. wasnt sure why when i like her later 3 albums so much... maybe caus i'm still not bored of them and so didnt feel any need to get more stuff of hers. even though i've listened to her stuuf pretty much everyday for the past year, i'm still not bored of it... see last thing on this post...

its only a couple of days till the end of term. i cant believe how much i'm looking forward to this. and its all ending with a day of lord of the rings.

and lastly, bea and i are going away for a day/ night at the weekend to a place in pickering (up near whitby somewhere) called Rivendelle, which is where the elves live in the aforementioned world. how exciting is that?!

we're going to see the elves, master frodo.

ps, if anyone out there has a violin or an accordian they're not using at the moment, could tracey and me (respectively) borrow them please. bit of a long shot, but you'd make our years at least...

mozilla

having taken note of mike's enthusiasm for mozilla firebird, i've downloaded it (on the super fast uni computers, then took it home on my clever little mp3 player) and installed it. not entirely sure i like it, and its true - theres no snow on it.

other bit of bad(ish) news - the red deer - the pub we were planning to go to in the evening on christmas day wont be open then. so we'll be looking for another similarly lovely pub to frequent with friends...

looking forward to friday though - all 3 lord of the rings films in a day (!)

it was me!!

well, last nights murder mystery was a good laugh, and i even had the honour of being the murderer. it would seem that i was given orders from my bosses (as someone deeply involved in the criminal underworld, but posing as an american journalist) to fix a race and make loads of money on it. so i drugged then suffocated the jockey of the favourite to win. it was me.... mwwaa ha ha..... (possibly some photos to follow)

oh - if you look carefully, you can see 2 screws in the top corners of the fire place - we had to drill those in (!) yesterday - my ears are still ringing. hope i've not got tinitus...

we have fire!!

and so the hardest parts of the lounge are now done - we've lit a fire and theres no smoke coming out in the attic room yet, the TV's set up ready for lord of the rings on friday, the christmas tree is up and decorated, and generally, the rooms looking pretty damn good!!

personaility disorder test...

just done that - whilst its not very clear how to interpret the results, its pretty interesting...

dont worry - not likely to kill anyone - i'm just fairy lacking in self esteem and can be a tiny bit clingy apparently.

take it yourself here

i'm bored

in case it wasn't obvious.

enneagrams....

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 46% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 46% Type 3 Ambition |||||| 22% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 58% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 54% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 54% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 26% Type 8 Hostility |||||||||||| 42% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 46% Your Conscious-Surface type is 4w5 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 5w4

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

more myers-briggs

noticed that si w has put up the actual scores - in a similar way, found myself quite close to the 50% mark on them - we're obviously very balanced people

hmmm... maybe not...

Introverted (I) 58.82% Extroverted (E) 41.18% Intuitive (N) 56.67% Sensing (S) 43.33% Thinking (T) 53.85% Feeling (F) 46.15% Perceiving (P) 59.26% Judging (J) 40.74%

something else on christmas songs

found out yesterday that someone had done some research into the effects of christmas songs - you know - those cheery heralds of good tidings and peace on earth, topped off by a sprinkle of kiddy choirs and a few sleigh bells, all served on a plate of commercialism.

it would appear that the number of attacks on shop staff by the customers go up when they're played in their particular stores.

i also heard that someone is another country is trying to sue their employer for the psychological disturbance caused by repeated exposure to this seasonal muzak.

bit of a contrast to bea's previous post - maybe we all need to get out of the shops at this time of year and find places where no musics being played at all.

thoughts

it seems ages ago that we went to Holy Island. while we were there i wrote a meditation which i had planned to lead at some point on the weekend but it didn't happen and then i thought i would do it when we got back some time but i don't think that feels right now - this morning on the loo i thought God was suggesting i put it up on the blog. so here it is - a meditation/reflection on silence while in a place of solitude...

when you slow down and let the silence soak through your very being, you start to be aware of so much more.

It's as though your senses have been sleeping.

As you start to relax into the silence, you realise it isn't silent at all. in fact, there's a carefully composed melody all around.

as the waves lap up against the rocks you start to breathe in time with the natural rhythm of the tide. the gentle waves fill the structure of the sound with a calming continuum of song within which the sea gulls provide the harmonies.

then you notice in the distance that you can hear the dull hum of a motor - maybe a boat or a car. your ears seem to relax and open up and then you become aware that you are breathing deeper, using all the space in your lungs so that your tummy rises and falls with each breath in and out.

if you breathe through your nose you can smell the greenness of the seaweed and the hint of salt in the air and it seems to refresh you with new life.

even your eyes come alive to the many colours that leap out of the stillness - the mustard yellow and silver grey of the moss-like patterns on the rocks.

across the water the sun projects a glistening trail of light which sparkles with every movement of the water's surface.

nature seems to thrive even though much is dying back in the autumn season.

still, there are tiny pearl mushrooms which leap out of the grass and when you take the time to look, the thistles have lost their green spikes and coloured flowers but have been transformed into delicate, gentle heads of brown whiskers with soft white fur.

there are shells where you don't expect them and small brown feathers caught in some coarse blades of grass.

the air is cold and your fingers are starting to bite a bit but somehow you have entered this rare space of relaxation which has set you apart from yourself and fused you with your environment.

in this place you can hear the still small voice of God whispering to you about how precious you are.

tingles rush through your limbs as you feel the Spirit rejoicing over you with singing.

here are the quiet waters and the green pastures.

here is the nourishment and living water.

here is where you know that even in the silence you are never alone.

have read a bit more of wild at heart....

some brief bits from the book:

"the problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to thier wives, or raise their children. but if they will try really hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming.... a nice guy. thats what we hold up as models of christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. we dont smoke, drink or swear; that's what makes us men. now let me ask my male readers: in all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing.... or merely nice?)"

"there are 3 desires i find written deeply into my heart i know now i can no longer disrgard them without losing my soul. they are core to who and what i am and yearn to be (...) in the heart of every man is a desparate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

"aggression is part of the masculine design, we are hardwired for it. if we believe that man is made in the image of God, then we would do well to remember that 'the Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name' (ex 15:3)"

"Compare your experience watching the latest James Bond or Indiana jones thriller with, say, going to Bible study. The guaranteed success of each new release makes it clear - adventure is written in the heart of a man"

"you see, its not just that a man needs a battle to fight; he needs someone to fight for (...) the battle is never enough; a man yearns for romance. its not enough to be a hero; its that he is a hero to someone in particular, to the woman he loves. Adam was given the wind and the sea, the horse and the hawk, but as God himself said, things were just not right until there was eve."

"there is something fierce... wild... passionate at the heart of every man"

this was written mostly in the context of whats gone a bit wrong in masculinity in the church (and the world) these days.

(and get this - the guy i'm taking notes for at the mo has just brought "max payne 2, a film noir love story (with bullet time!)" - and this is what it says on the back of the box:
"his life in ruins, Max Payne finds himself back on the NYPD. during a rountine murder investigation, he runs into Mona Sax, a woman he thought dead, a femme fatale murder suspect. she holds the keys to the questions that haunt him. but nothing is simple in the dark tragic night of new york city. an army of thugs stand between max and the answers he seeks. his journey deeper into his own personal hell continues. 'you'd have to be a first-degree fool to fall for a woman who returns from the dead only to put a gun to your face' love hurts...")

the bit i got all excited about when i was reading this was something i remember dan c said when he was reading the book. if we are made in the image of God, then the things that we are, are also characteristics of the God who made us.

God wants adventure, he needs to fight, and he wants to fight for something, or more to the point, he wants to fight for someone - and that is his bride, the church, ie you and me. God wants to romance us, fight for us, go on adventure with us (and we're not the adventure, he leads us on the adventure with him).

i've never thought of God that way, as someone who's trying to win our hearts, someone chasing after us, trying to catch our eye. someone who'll fight for us, someone who'll go a bit crazy every now and then.

and at this christmas time, there was that awesome campaign by the church a few years ago (that ben a put up a little while ago too):

jesus - meek and mild? as if.

we've turned God into a Really Nice Guy.

how crap is that?!

is christmas coming??

today's actually been the first day of the season that i've had the misfortune to hear one of those bloody awful christmas song that get played round about now. the offending piece was "so this is christmas", not sure who its by, but we all know it.

i'm just glad its got this close to the day, and i've not heard any of them yet.

there you are - a piece of thanksgiving for y'all...

wild at heart

have just started reading the above book. only on pg10 so far but it's gonna be a good one i reckon. everyone else i know who's read it found it really good - giving permission seems to be what the books about.

more later when i've read more of it.

same here.

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

its a pretty good one too. dead accurate - all 4 of us (ant and caroline incl) were all pretty spot on about our results. i think...

free myers briggs test told me nothing i didn't already know!

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

my first album review!!!

"Midnight's Silent Repose

Andy Marshall & Mark Stoney (holey moley)

An interesting one off, and another piece of work
which is largely instrumental (seems to be a lot of
it about this month). This was recorded between
2000 and 2002 in Mark Stoney's basement at the
same time as he was working on his own solo album
'Amber'. What's always surprising about these types
of recordings are how rich and full they sound. The
bigger the stereo you whack this baby through the
better it sounds. The majority of the tracks are res-
olutely gentle, melodies ebbing and flowing against
a backdrop of keyboards, and occasional strings
and woodwind. Apparently one of the tracks has
been picked up on a post-rock compilation which
only muddies the descriptive process further. The
standout track is the one which doesn't stick to the
mini-albums basic template. 'The Only One That
Stayed' marries a complete sample of an American
Gospel preaching building towards a fiery, oratorical
climax while the rhythms and cadences of the hoarse
Southern accent are carried along in a building
maelstrom of guitars and feedback. The album's
worth getting hold of for this track alone even though
there is plenty of pleasant, if sometimes slightly
directionless meandering, harmony going on.
Mark's been signed to island, it would good to hear
more from Andy."

- Sandman Magazine

i think that was actually positive!!

still on sale folks. £10 a piece.

its snowing!!!

hows that for the christmassy sparkles promised?

its probably slowing eveything down, so it'll end up being removed no doubt. anyway, enjoy it while its there. it could be a blizzard tomorrow... thanks (or "big up", as is the parlence of the blogging community these days) to ant for that one.

and hello to emily if she finds herself here....

if i were a rich man...

well tonight, i won £36 000 which is more than half our mortgage paid off in just an evenings work.

not bad i s'pose.

yay!

ouch!

more identity issues...

having done the "which primate are you?" quiz, i came out as the gibbon, but they look kinda dumb and when i saw the tarmarin, decided i'd be one of those instead

oooh - i think i like this though...

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

by the way - being pregnant is a little weird but it is a great way to see God perform the most amazing provisions! the other day i pooed out out four days of constipation in one go. it was amazing - so cleansing. which reminds me that i never did blog about my meditations on the relationship between pooing and confession.

i am also shattered as a result of making this ickle one. well, God is making it but it sure feels like he's using my energy to do it! i tend to sleep between 4 and 6 pm then go to bed again at about 10! and last night i ate the most lovely tea of steak pie, brussels and mashed potato only to through it up violently within minutes. at least the clementine i ate a few hours later stayed down - good to know that our baby got some vitamin C if nothing else!

by the way neil lambert - do you still read our blog regularly? you have been on my mind in a precius way so i have been sending butterfly blessings your way!

i'm not sure i like what i am...

You are starch. You are rigid, opinionated, hard-
willed and not too friendly about it. You keep
people out of places, or you keep them in, and
without you a lot of things would collapse.
hopefully you'll never have the authority to
burn people at the stake. Sir. Ma'am.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i am rebellious DNA.

You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate authority and do everything you can to get around the law, or in some cases, break it. Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a decision is made. Your nature is fiery and courageous, and always out-going. You love attention and usually have kinky fetishes you're not afraid to explore. People either love you or hate you.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i got the same kind of soul as si w which is a compliment, but i'm not too sure about my given description - actually i s'pose most of its right, just not the attention loving and outward going bit... and the kinky bits? hmmm - ask bea.

all good - more insights into my "incredibly complex" personality

xmas is coming...

a ha - so i see my employer has followed suit and "christmased" up his blog too.

like most commercial websites out there now. good to see we're all getting in the mood for it all. just wait till it really starts snowing!

just a reminder, theres a ceilidh coming up this friday - theres even more coming now (but a bloke or two would be nice!) - if you want to, email/ phone/ text/ see me about it - it'll be a great laugh - highly recommended!

oh - the other thing - i'm going to a murder mystery party at our neighbours house on the 13th (or something around there) and i'm going as may vest, some glamour puss wearing a long velvety ball dress. obviously i dont own one of these, but am appealing to any tallish girls out there with one they dont mind lending it to me for the evening.

and i promise there'll be photos on the blog afterwards!!!!!!!!!22 (!!)

new look blog!

i mean its hardly anything revolutionary, just thought with december starting tomorrow, and things getting all wintery, some new colours might be nice.

hmmm... what is there...

going to a ceildh next friday (see here for a few more details)

went out for gee/ tony's birthday last thursday which was great fun - went to fuzz club at the uni and reminisced about cheap beer and student life, and had a good jump around.

also been out on pete's stag do last night - pretty amusing, but sadly no photos this time. and now off to the sunday morning brunch at jen and frans.

err... not much else to say at the mo i dont think...

i'm tired...

now... having just spent an excellent eve out on the hop. despite calls for the distillers, it was underneath the stars that send me to sleep.

SWEET WILLIAM'S GHOST

Words:Trad, Tune:K.Rusby

There came a ghost to Margaret's door,

With many a grievious groan,

And aye he turled long at the pin,

But answer she gave none,

Is it my father Phillip,

Or yet my brother John,

Or yet my own dear William,

From Scotland now come home.

Thy faith and troth you'll never get,

Of me youíll never win,

Till you take me to yon churchyard,

And wed me with a ring,

Oh I do dwell in a chuchyard,

But far beyond the sea, And this is but my ghost Margaret,

That speaks now unto thee.

So she's put on her robes of green,

With a piece below the knee,

And all the live long winters night,

The sweet ghost followed she,

Is there room at your head Willie,

Or room here at your feet,

Or room here at your side Willie,

Where-in that I may sleep.

There's no room at my head Margaret,

And no room at my feet,

There's no room at my side Margaret,

My coffin is so neat,

Then up and spoke the red robin,

And up and spoke the grey,

Tis' time, tis' time my dear Margaret,

That I were gone away.

No more the ghost to Margaret came,

With many a grievious groan,

He's vanished out into the mist,

And left her there alone.

Oh stay my only true love stay,

My heart you do divide.

Pale grew her cheeks,

she closed her eyes,

Streched out her limbs and cried.

will i ever tire of this stuff?

there are so many things i wish i was. but isnt that where we're at - coming to to terms with who we are? we are who we are, not others, despite what others might have been given, we do what we can with what we have. we are who God made us.

still doesnt quite heal the longing...

please make it so.

i'm bored...

...of sitting in computer labs writing half a side of notes in 2 hours, but feeling like the student doesnt trust you to be paying attention enough to the lecturer, just in case he reminds them all that they're way behind and need to do more work and you need to write it down for them.

but... i am going to meet justin lewis (who's now a lecturer here at hallam uni in 3d graphics or something) and go to subway for lunch - its kinda becoming my (end of) weekly outing - makes me buy less junk food in the rest of the week, on the principle i can save up for the sub. might try a different sub this time.

after that, its another dull lecture on adding binary number etc and then home time - get lots of bottles washed and cleaned for tomorrow morning when i'm gonna have to bottle the wheat beer. then its out for the evening for gee/ tony's birthday at the fuzz club.

one for our american friends...

ate with martin pickles last night. and a pleasure it was too.

more distillers...

see - shes not that scary really...

more html tweaks...

have noticed recently that you cant reference the individual posts on our blog like you can on most other peoples - all the more useful as we all add that extra complicated level top the blogs that are the comments - now you really do need to spend all day at the computer to keep up with all the stuff going on...

anyway, not too sure why it wasnt working on our blogs, i put on my html hat (and nervously stroking my javascript beard which really knows nothing) and waded on in there. whilst i've not quite sorted it out (the link taking you to the bottom of the post, not the top despite my best efforts to use anchors) it does now at least open a new page with the url at the top.

in case you dont know what i'm talking about, try clicking just below here on "post" and it opens a browser with the full address so you can link to it in your own blogs and comments.

how fascinating...

ice cold coke... love actually... the office...

"ice cold coke" it was advertised on one of the many vending machines dotted around the uni - if only it were - more often than not its not cold at tall. the ones in the help yourself fridges are room temperature, and the machined ones pretty much the same but run under a cold tap for a minute. pretty useless...

but then if it actually were ice cold, it would actually be ice hard and just as undrinkable... ice cold... cold as ice.. sounds like a song from the 80's...

and as for love actually... well we went to see it. in the absence of anyone wanting to watch anything else, i ended up seeing it with bea (and jen & fran) - cant say i was particularly impressed - not only was it a who's who of british stars - all the obvious known ones, incl. a few not mentioned ones (ant & dec, martin freeman (tim from the office), parkinson) there was also the continued appearances of all the guest americans (gary oldman in the bar, denise richards, shannon elizabeth (nadia - american pie), january jones (am. pie also), claudia schiffer - it felt like an episode of friends.

someone else i've been noticing a bit recently - tim bevan - one of the producers - having just seen the man who wasnt there the previous night who he also produced, i was kinda intrigued to look this one up. off to the imdb i go, and find out he's not only produced pretty much every film of the rowan atkinson/ mr bean genre, also all the 4 weddings/ bridget jones/ etc films, but he's also been a part of all the coen brothers films too. ok, this is getting a little boring isnt it....
it was however good to see the offices' tim in it (albeit in the most pointless storyline of the whole film).

but then speaking of tim - >the office - not sure why i like it so much - its just sooooo painful. i mean get past all the political incorrectness of it all (and there's plenty of it), and theres the continued pained love story with tim and dawn - its just horrible - her looks across the office at tim.... awwww...... why wont it happen?! feel sooo sorry for dawn (who incidently is jasper carrot's daughter apparently).

ho well.... beer bottling tonight hopefully.

wardy fireball inverstigates...

have a read of this...

at last - there is someone willing and able to properly have a go at the anti-war stuff on the blogs. never thought it'd happen.


well, i mean matt p has said a few things, but for a very different approach, read mikes...

i'd probably say similar things, but i'm just getting bored and tired of bitching about things like the church etc - i just want to be a little more contented with the world i'm in.

i like sofa - i felt on the weekend, we as a cluster/ community were like one of the ships in the matrix like the nebudcadnezzar (sp?!) or logos, and whilst we had "a certain affinity for disobedience", we know we're part of the bigger picture, a larger body and we have our purpose to play in the big scheme of things....

the monday review

new week, new blogs to look thru - found a few good ones on ben a's site one on the rugby: i felt that too - i wasnt really expecting them to win, and so was quite suprised to hear they did. there was even a sense of pride in our country, but then that just makes me think about what my country is (and that's a whole other post with comments to be attatched that could get a bit messy).

i was definitaly happier that we won the rugby and not the football world cup.

i tend to find the nationist hype really irritating - each year i'm like, "oh come on - can henman just lose quickly this year so everyone can get back to normal - he's not gonna win it, we never will". and there was that prophecy that england's not gonna win any major sporting events until they turn back to God - this has of course then made me think one of the following:

1) england has turned back to God - yay!

2) rugby's not a major sporting event

3) not to believe all the prophecies you hear about

4) God's just into rugby and got bored of england losing at all the games they invented.

then there was a post about some boy in his class being excited about the bombing last week, which does scare me too, and links back to the unexplained comment about national pride and what (or i guess i mean who's) i percieve our country to be.

and there was a post about the "'emerging church'" (note all the "'s!) - if you go to the link there to the article it refers to - something someone said last thursday at mitchells (well done the mitchells!) - why are we still trying to be culturally relevant - lets just be the culture.

what else was there - the weekend of course - i'll wait till i got some photos to accompany before writing about our trip to lindisfarne/ holy island - we had a good time though.

the distillers

felt briefly like a bit of a change musically. not quite the bluegrass and folk i'm used to these days.

and another happy note

really starting to get excited about being dad.

amusingly, feel like i need to keep a lid on it, and not let myself not get too excited in case i actually get too excited. feel like i could end up that way.

who'd'a thought it?!...

on a happier note...

well, listening to kate rusby: "ten" helps a load...

heres a couple of pics to start off with...



one of martin pickles for those quizzed over a previous posting moment and for our american friends - been feeling like i've neglected them recently...

and for everyone else on the night out (or not) (there's no where my camera does not reach, apart from deep sea diving perhaps...), here's one of the photos. more to follow...

if only it could be followed to night visiting song...:

NIGHT VISITING

I must away love, no longer tarry,

This roaring tempest I have to cross

I must be guided without a stumble

Into the arms I love the best.

And when he came up to his true-love's dwelling

He's knelt down gently upon the stone

And through the window he's whispered soft

Is my true-lover within at home?

She's raised her up from off her pillow

She's raised her up from off her bed

And through the window she's whispered soft

Who's that disturbeth my own night's rest?

Wake up, wake up, love, it's your own true-love

Wake up, wake up, love, and let me in.

Oh how the wind blows and how it rains,

Oh I am wet, love, unto the skin.

She's raised her up from off her pillow

She's raised her up and let him in.

They were locked in each other's arms

Until the long night was past and o'er.

And when the long night was passed and o'er

Oh when the dawn clouds they did divide.

He's leaned down gently and kissed her soft.

He's saddled up and away did ride.

He mounted up on his horse and away did ride.

He's mounted up on his horse and away did ride.

...

grrr...

There’s something sinister going on here.

In the metro yesterday or the day before there was an article about W Bush coming to England. He was coming over obviously to a load of protest against him and his policies about the war etc. meanwhile he was saying how great it is that England is able to have free speech (even though that free speech was very much opposing him), and yet at the same time he’s asking for central London to be closed off to make it harder for protesters to disrupt things.

Whilst I'm pretty anti-antiwar at the mo – most of the antiwar stuff does my head in (read the last post on matt p’s blog from the telegraph for why), the thought going thru my head is the way outwardly these powers say they’re all for free speech, democracy, equality, human rights, etc and yet when it comes to it, they’d rather keep dissenting voices silent.

Sound similar to anything else? But then they don’t even believe in free speech, equality or democracy in the first place... so which is worse – the hypocrisy or the communist like silencing of opposing voices?

This stuff’s really really pissing me off at the mo.

Waiting for the backlash...

comments please.

i think someone might have mentioned this already, but do the comments turn our blogs into message forums?

and how do you decide wether to comment on someone elses blogs or blog it yourself. maybe both...
never one to miss an opportunity... comment relating to one of ant's posts

the two towers (extended edition) is coming

dispatched from amazon today, so should be arriving tomorrow.

how very exciting indeed!!

dang!...

i look good in bea's clothes.

even more photos!

this would of course be a photo of bea/ me at kate's gender bending drag themed birthday party - see more scary photos here

had a very good weekend in all. bea's parents came up to help us put in the skirting board and picture rail in our front room which is looking more like a living room everyday.

the other bit of news, for those who've not heard yet is that bea and i will be expected a baby sometime mid july. bea's obviously over the moon about it and i'm getting more excited by the day.

you can be sure there'll be a series of posts coming up over the coming months about how the thought of being a dad is sinking in. so far i'm already remarkably calm and cool about it all, and NOT freaking out about it (which is what i thought i'd be doing) - God has certainly been doing some impressive stuff with me over the past few months.

there's something for you all to comment on!!

more later.

photo time

so we finally now have the photos from jen & fran's wedding and our time in prague for you to have a little look at. enjoy.

just had a martin pickles moment

and very enjoyable it was to. definitely the bright spark in an otherwise very dull day up to that point. it seems he's working in hallam uni aswell, as a PA to the head of sport and leisure (or something) for the next 4 weeks, taking him up to christmas, where he'll be away from sheffield for a bit but is planning to come back afterwards and stay around in sheffield (as long as work continues). which is good news for us all i'm sure you'll agree (if you've met him). anyway, thank you martin pickles (as erika has said, simply martin is not enough) - you have brightened up my day. as did subway...mmmmmm.... just been trying to find some new jeans - all mine are getting worn through at a fast rate, and really could do with some non-blue ones. didnt go too well (all were too short, too small or too expensive), so was in need of cheering up.

subway is calling...

after yet another unbelievably dull day, sitting in computer labs killing time waiting for the lecturer to say something, (well i say after - its not over yet - still got another 2 hours this afternoon, and this 2 hour session is taking forever) trying desperately to find things on the web to occupy yourself, i'm going for a sub, and i'm past caring how expensive they are.

i want to blog about poo and hope but at the moment the following will have to do.....

hi everyone, as our blog is read in various different countries around the world i have offered the space to someone called mark - her is his post:

My name is Mark Burgess and I am club secretary for 3 of St Thomas' football
teams based in Sheffield, UK. We are christian based teams which have many
non Christians within the team and this is seen as a major form of outreach.
We are looking to organise a tour next year at Easter and wondered if anyone
could help. We are looking for beds for the lads and potentially wives and
partners (not for the lads - more the lads want to bring them along - bea), and importantly 2 or 3 teams to play against. We at this stage do
not know for definite how many people are interested but we would expect to
bring out two 11 a side teams, at least. If you can help in anyway please
feel free to email me at marktburgess@hotmail.com. We are happy to play non
church teams but it is important that there is a strong Christian ethos in
our tour either through who we would hopefully be staying with and
hopefully at least one of the teams.

i'll blog about poo some other time - but for those who are interested, the man upstairs had me meditating on how poos and the pooing process is very much like confession.

the hope thing is cool too. i promise i will break the blogging silence but things have been hectic now i'm back at work.

radikooool - more "rantings" from brad!

been through pretty much everyone blog over there on the left - the bit i got all excited about was this (no offence everyone else - i'm in yet another dull lecture with nothing to do, again. i'm pretty low on enthusiasm at the mo. i think brads post just excited me in an escapism kinda way.):

"for instance, err ... umm ... okay! how about this as an illustration - a group of tribal disciple friends gets together to create a book, and everyone contributes ideas, photos and artwork, words and whatever, and helps out, and the input from everyone sort of weaves in and out of the entire creation process. so whose book is it? everyone's - but that's hardly the point. they did it along the way, while living life together, and the book was just another way to bring everyone together.

so, that kinda sounds a lot like regular ole teamwork, doesn't it? so what makes it different? it's a lot more egalitarian and integrative. it assumes everyone is welcome to play a role, that the 'product' of working together is life itself ('hey! look at the book we did - we had a great time doin' it!) rather than the concrete object produced. the process itself is the product, and the point is construction of relationships, not consumption of what a paid leader or a team produces. and the tribal version happens much more spontaneously than getting together the 'creative arts team' to plan a book, outline the book, collaborate on the book, publish the book, promote the book. heck, it's just gittin' it on to do a book cuz that's what living life together calls for at the moment. and yet, the book produced through the tribal paradigm may end up with a ministry of its own too, but that's more a side-product than the main thing.

go figure.

...

your thoughts?"

by brad

any thoughts - you can post them on the comments bit if you like.... i'm personally well up for this sort of stuff. i'd love to see this sort of thing happen - how feasible is it? can it be done? would it be a more magazine/ fanzine, or more of an annual so to speak? who cares - would be good to do - anyone got any ideas if we can do this? neill? "this is sheffield" autumn ed.

shu

something about today has made working here just that little bit more depressing than ever - i'm guessing it was 2 incidents - first hearing "when a man loves a woman" playing in the main atrium of hallam uni - not what you'd expect to here - couldn't really hear all the words, but stood round waiting for the end of the song - it was something to do with a graduation do, probably just testing the PA system.

then i just saw somebody talking to his friends and juggling up in the cafe above the atrium, he was vaguely alterntive looking - long dyed hair etc - someone having fun, not trying to look cool all the time - its just not something you ever see here. ever. when did students start getting all this money? mobiles? i always thought students were s'posed to be poor, creative, political activist poets musicians and other arty types. or techy geeks.

not sure why seeing 2 such out of place things has made me so sad - maybe just realising how dull it is here and how much everyone is in the same fashion/ style - i mean is there anyone here who doesnt wear the same clothes as everyone else - does anyone not shop at topman/shop? this place is just sooooo boring. is there any soul to this institution, or is it all about image?

maybe i'm being too judgemental again. dont care too much at the mo. going home.

hot damn!!!

read this!! not read such a good piece of writing in ages - i would've stood up with you on that one mike - flippin' awesome!!

myers-briggs - the sequel

My Bloginality is INTP!!!

its good to do this again, and come out as what i thought i might be. i sometimes err on the F side of things, but the T is probably right. their description is pretty good, as is the one here, although not entirely right - most of their possible careers are too geeky/ too much hard work. i also love details. and i don't like working alone very much - i prefer teams, but certainly have no desire to lead. most of the others i'd go with - "Usually brilliant and ingenius"? well thats me all over.

anyway, enough of the personality tests and back to the notetaking...

this is (99%) good news....

have to say, thethingaboutit.com is hanging pretty much in the balance though.

comments please

now added to all blogs in honour of my last post.

just down there by the author and date...

everything that has a beginning... can be branded and a sequel made. not an end.

ok - so the matrix does make more sense to me, but there's still a part of me thats irritated by the unanswered questions - like mike was saying, there was so much in it that had so little relevance - the trainman, the french man, the little girl, the underage kid etc. when we were talking about it after the first screening, dave pointed out, all the loose ends is a pretty postmodern approach to film making. good point i thought. it was the first time i've been rritated by postmodernism i s'pose...

but thinking about that, so many films are left in some way open ended. the cynic would (probably rightly) say, it allows for a sequel, ie a franchise. well thats all the big things these days - franchises, branding - a starbucks in every city, a macdonalds on every corner, nike on your feet, gap on you hat. where style is more important and more valued than content - was matrix a victim of this? was it all just a very basic idea that had been spun out over 3 films, with amazing effects, but no real cohesive, tight storyline in the end to back it up, and potentially the option to make a forth film should they wish. will the aliens series ever really get closure? terminator 3 ended with the start of the whole war - no closure there either.

what about the scream trilogy? the first film i thought was an absolute masterpiece, using "the rules" of a horror-slasher movie to make a movie about itself. full of injokes, and self referencing, taking the cynical look at itself and then twisting it into something new, created out of the parts of its history and heritage (if horror movies can be said to have heritage...!). the sequel turns out to be based on the idea of a horror movies sequel. again, you think yo should've known what was going on but again theres the up to date twist on things, and then the third film, takes it all back to the world of media, it being about the court case, oj simpson style. american pie 1-3. starwars 4-6, 1-3. desperado 1-3. it seems its sequels everywhere, and branding everywhere - "from the makers of 4 weddings, notting hill and bridget jones..." comes another film with hugh grant in it. product placement is everywhere too - the italian job remade with high tech stuff and the new minis. lara croft 1 selling the motorola mobile (i think), james bond sold another mobile, matrix made the flip down nokia famous.

theres a part of me that loves figuring things out, but in some ways it seems i've met my match in postmodernism (or whatever label its given) - its not supposed to be figured out - its all a journey, with no real start or end - its more about the experience than finality. in that way, the matrix' tag line was completely wrong - everything that has a beginning has an end? there werent enough ends in revolutions, if any.

there is definitelty something in all this that helps me get God more though - there isnt always an answer to every question, that the purpose of a person or event isnt always what you think it should or could be, that to hold things in tension, you may need to pull something away from the thing it is naturally drawn to - its uncomfortable to do so, its hard work and emotionally & mentally taxing, but if we dont then we end up with a 2 dimensional view of things, lacking creativity and imagination for what a limitless God might want to do, (and at times, more to the point,) how he wants to do it, and with who.

probably more later...

intolerable cruelty

a very good film - coen brothers still at the best & funniest - quite like the big lebowski i thought - where they find their characters from i dont know, but are just so perfect for the film. bea liked it as well, and she's not a huge coen brothers fan.

prague, beers

i've said it before, but this gives you an idea of what you pay in the centre of prague, the capital of the czech republic, on a burger stand for your beers.

the 2 tall beer cans, the krusovice is amazing stuff - far far far better than anything you'll get in a yer average pub over here. the pilsner (in comparison to other czech stuff is pretty poor). coke you know - the same size - 500ml bottles - tastes a little more cinnamony over there. the water i didnt really try, but bea got into it a lot...

and how much is 35,- crowns worth? about 70p.

in the local supermarket, you could buy packs of 10 x 500ml bottles of staropramen - of a similar quailty to the krusovice - for 85,- crowns - about £1.70, working out as 17p a pint for some of the best lager you'll ever have.

how much do youy pay in our own capital for a pint of lager? £3.00ish i heard...

matrix: revoloutions - rich's thoughts

"Some random musings regarding Revolutions...

It was evident that Merovingian tried to delete the Oracle and almost suceeded. The Architect was obviously concerned about the fate of the Matrix and pointed out in Reloaded that, if he was the father, then the oracle was the mother. With that in mind, consider that the oracle said the no one could see past the choices they didn't understand. Thus, the Architect could not be sure that he would destroy Zion as he could not comprehend Neo's choice to return and save Trinity. In an act of desperation, the Architect followed the advice of the Oracle. It sort of follows the old concept that man will destroy and woman will create. The Architect in his arrogance was simply going to crush Zion. But, the Oracle saw a way for them all to benefit. The Oracle allowed Smith to take her for she knew what he'd see and how he's misinterrpret it. She also had faith that Neo would face Smith regardless of the cost. He had already made that choice, thus his reply to Smith at the end.

Although a lot of question remain, for me the film came down to the Architect and the Oracle simply using everyone in a rather over complex game of chess."

rich green

matrix: revolutions

well, i'm not sure what to make of it really. i liked it a lot more the second time i watched it, but i still think its left even more questions unanswered than it has answered. i mean there are some questions it hasnt even tried to answer, such as, what was the point in persephone and her kiss with neo in the reloaded? what was she on about in the toilet? what has that got to do with anything?

and what have they done in the last film. i'm still not sure neo is the one - so what was his purpose? why was he there? was it just to cancel out smith?

whats the conversation with the architect have to do with anything in revolutions? i mean, i've finally got my head round it, figured out everything he was getting at, but then it had nothing to do with revolutions, other than letting neo know he isnt "the one" as he realised at the very end of reloaded. so if he wasnt "the one", then what was he there for? he wasnt the fulfilling of the prophecy (as morpheus was shown also at the end of reloaded) for that reason i guess. his purpose was different. as the matrix gets away from the easily paralleled christian theology and adds more eastern yin-yang type, good and evil meeting and cancelling each other out (the final showdown of agent smith and neo), and a little note on karma being purpose.

so in someway neo did end the war and bring about peace, but he wasnt the one that was prophecied, nor the one that would go to meet the architect and make the decision of the 2 doors.

the bit i dont then get, if smith's purpose was so connected with neos (smith: "i have come to take form you what you took from me - purpose"; neo: "i wish i knew what i was meant to do"), smith lost his purpose in the first film when he was killed but didnt die, ie became a rogue program that didnt belong in the matrix, he lost his purpose (as was said by another agent on the lorry in reloaded, when a program has completed its purpose, the only thing left for it is to be deleted). so then all smith was concerned with was killing neo, that was now his purpose. when he does kill neo, he no longer has a purpose and so is deleted by the machine world, which is what freaked him out at the end of revolutions.

so i guess neo's purpose was to be there to cancel smith out. not going so far to say he was created by the matrix to deal with smith, as he came first, but then my heads saying smith was created to cancel out neo, smith being neo, but his negative, his opposite.

and a bit of an off the point point, what was trinity about? when agent smiths wanted to know why neo carried on, it wasnt love, it was because he chose to.

oh i dont know - i'm not convinced revolutions was what it could've been - so many of us came up with explanations for so much after reloaded, that they could have taken in revolutions, but they didnt seem to chose anything close, and just changed the goalposts, in a way invalidating the previous two film. maybe i'll get it the more i watch, as i have with the previous two, but i cant help feling revolutions was the final film to a different trilogy, and the proper end film has yet to be made to follow on from reloaded.

prague, landing

maybe we were just lucky to land in the czech republic....

prague, mucha

one of the things bea and i both found in prague was all the art nouveau influences around the place.

i'd heard of the term, even noticed a bit of it (including mucha) but never really saw it until being in prague, and seeing it everywhere - so many of the buildings had it on their outsides, ornate plaster castings, gold work, writing fonts - all stuff i wouldnt have seen if i werent looking for it and knowing what i was looking for.

anyway, mucha seemed to be at the centre of it all, and whilst i had seen stuff by him (even picking up a couple of postcards of his oin a 2nd hand shop a year ago or so, and seeing some of it on a bag cathers owns), i'd never really got it that much. anyway, i know beas got some stuff to say on mucha...

heres a pic of the evening star - part of a series on the stars that can be seen here- the moon, the evening star, the polestar and the morning star which are some of my favourite ones by him.

not sure what it is i like about it - in many ways its very different to the kind of stuff i'd otherwise like. ben cooper was telling me when i spotted the link with rennie macintosh stuff (which i've never liked, and still dont really), that art nouveau was far more popular in europe, and never really took off in england as it was considered too sensual for us.

so i wonder what God is wanting to show me in it.

back home

not got a lot to say right now - more later on the trip. suffice to say, we had a brilliant time, and photos will be up asap.

matrix: revolutions out tomorrow. will be seeing some of you there... (and hopefully including neill!)

pretty tired now, and unfortunately have to be up for a 9am lecture. going to bed at this unreasonably early hour...

prague

are now in the czech republic, ben and charlotte will be arriving in an hour or so - forgot how cheap beer is here - cheaper than coke - about 30p for a pint of luurrvely tasting dark lager. also had a smazny sear (sp?) ie a deep fried breadcrumbed disc of cheese in a roll...mmmmm.... yummy.

also forgot about the spiritual oppression lurking around the place. doesnt really affect me at all, but gets bea pretty quickly.

lord of the rings

"the hands of the king are the hands of a healer; so shall the rightful king be known"

jrr tolkien, return of the king.

going to prague email

hi all - while we're in prague, you wont be able to contact us at the moogaloo.com emails (well you can, but we wont get them till we get home). fortunately, you can still email us the following: (the pic is partly cause it looks kinda cool, but also, it seems putting you email on a web page is a good way of getting on the spam mail lists, which i would really like to avoid, hence a pic of the address!)

stone circles etc...

found this cool little site full of photos of stone circles, standing stones, barrows, and (for the people who were at a conference of the same name recently) cairns, and so, in the absence of any autumn leaves photos, here's a pic of merrivale standing stone in devon.

some of the history behind them is pretty odd - folklore about king arthur, other kings of england, stones going for drinks at the local pubs...

autumn colours

on a more positive note, i've noticed that the autumn leaves have been particularly colourful this year - hodgson tells me its cause its been so dry, so the leaves have been more stressed, hence the brighter pinky-reds we've enjoyed the past week or two.

i s'pose i should have had a few photos to supplement this little observation for all our international friends...

off to prague tomorrow. yay!

and i've sorted out the lack of titles appearing in the blog space. my limited knowledge of html still suprises me.

sorry....

hmmm... sorry about that last post - must have feeling a bit cranky - i find it a bit boring always having issues with the church. sorry if anyone got overly offended tho i guess that was the point of it.

i think i'm just a bit too idealistic, but then end up cynical cause i dont see the church dynamically moving in the freedom and creativity of what it could be, so i just end up seeing it as a bit of an embarrassment. i would really like to love the church, but have been hurt by it so much - wondering how long can someone stay with a spouse that abuses them.

just read some good stuff at ben a's blog... it also gave me hope. or at least something to think/ bitch about:

"Finding the current discussions on Anglican Bishops v. sad. I guess the stakes are high for both involving a potent mix of sexual identity and belief in who men are, in what love is and in what God's word says.

For me, I think I know what is in the bible about it all but I know too that we re-interpret other parts with no qualm of conscience and call it context or whatever, so it seems a bit hypocritical to say that we can't do others. So maybe that makes me more of an anglican than an anglican't - but most of my friends would prob be the other way round."

read the other related bits here

there's also some really good words on the trinity too, being a part of God's dynamic relationship, joining in it all.

but where was i... ah yes something to bitch about...

i know i've said it before, but all too often you hear parts of the bible read out and taken word for word, and anyone doing otherwise is treated with the suspicion reserved for "those wooly liberals". creation for example. sex before marriage. homosexuality. tithing is another good one. all things that have their verses about them, rarely overly expicit, but all accepted as truth.

but wait there.... women in leadership? women speaking in churches? men with long hair? women with their heads uncovered?! all things warned against (and pretty explicitly as well), but (fortunately
for the irrelevant church trying to keep up (cf homosexuality)) these things are things we can "understand" in the context of the times, and when God's word says "i do not permit a woman to speak in church" God wasn't really saying that was he?! surely he wasn't... how un-PC of him... so maybe when God says he doesnt agree with sex before marriage, he didnt really mean that either... i mean what parts of the bible are we s'posed to believe as truth?!

personally i'm all up for women in leadership, but it does leave the church in a difficult position when it comes to other things that's for sure...

...or maybe the church isn't s'posed to have everything figured out. maybe God isnt as easy to understand as reading a book. maybe we (the evangelical church) should stop trying to figure every damn thing out and presenting them as absolute, God's own truths (until we change it a few years later as the culture changes around us) and leave it a bit more open ended. God is so much much more than we'll ever know.

maybe we're not s'posed to have all the answers - maybe then we'll stop treating the world with such pity, contempt and arrogance thinking we're there to fix its problems from our superior position of "Godly" morals and truths. i mean how patronising!!

hows about looking at the world and seeing what it can offer us, what it can show us about God's character. how about actually relating to the world in an equal level of respect, not seeing it as a provider-client situation, us needing to feed the morally impoverished and lost world beneath us? oh wait - that would be because the church has fostered a provider-client attitude within itself where we're force fed stuff from our leaders above us, with no place to disagree or discuss, instead of us being taught to take responsibility for our lives and our friends around us, and being shown the trust to listen to God for ourselves.


as one person in austin said, "the church should deal with it's own shit before trying to sort out everyone elses"

what'll happen when the revolution comes? who will stay at st toms? who will stay in the church? who will be forced out? who will be silenced? who will become the forgotten casualities of war?

what will God make of it all? what will he think of His Bride abusing and self-harming herself?

perhaps i'm being a bit too antagonistic... maybe i just agree with something ben said and got a bit carried away... keep it coming.

damp proofers in today.

beas first day back at work.

2 days till we go to prague.

just read a very nice little essay by andrew jones at ncubator - the article might not be there much longer though....

i wonder what else i can read waiting for the lab to finish...

i'm sure the 2 in question won't mind me saying it, but i'm glad to have some non-believers a part of our blogging community.

(i hope they also don't mind the "non-believer" label! i'm personally finding myself more and more turned off by the label "non-christian", as if the "christian" label should mean anything to anyone anymore anyway - i'm sure God's more interested in what you believe than what label you give yourself, or what religious movement you align yourself to or not.)

more students not turning up/ cancelling lectures... need to go for a walk - sheffield's getting a little boring to walk round all day, every day, and my job is really getting too dull to be doing all year - really need a better job... if only this job wasn't so depressing, i might actually do something about it... and what have i now got to look forward to? 2 hours sitting in a room doing pretty much nothing.

good news tho - steven's bro, mike has set up a blog, as has si wilkins. both are looking like they're gonna be a good daily read. their mug shots will be on the side bar soon....

the maid of llanwelyn

and i got my player a couple of days ago - its lurvely - been listening to the be good tanyas, kate rusby, bellwether and gillian welch all around town the past couple'a days. aside the kate rusby - its felt nicely out of place listening to optomistic american bluegrassy stuff in the grey, dull (and now wet) city of sheffield.

so today, i've earnt just over £60 for sitting in rooms and not writing a single word (except "did not attend" on my time sheet!). and dont feel too depressed - maybe it's the music....

may have noticed form the film list we've been doing a bit of backdating to our dvd collection - wild things, 4 weddings.., gattaca. got the piano also to watch some time soon too.

and tonight, "crazy man" hodgson's coming for tea - i think we're getting take away of some sort. then we're off to see the band i used to be in, stoney lacuna (fka mark stoney) playing in town.

tomorrow, i'm meeting up with dan to keep working through the list of oktoberfest beers at the devonshire cat - maybe i am a completer finisher after all...

then hodgson's got his housewarming on saturday.

and we'll be in prague this time next week.

not sure why i feel a little down - with all this stuff coming up (and a house thats coming along nicely - by the beginning of december, we should have a fully functioning, carpeted, leather sofa'd, nicely painted front room with a roaring log fire to toast crumpets on whilst watching films and drinking wine....mmmmm....) i should be a lot happier... i guess i am.... going home now 2 hours early.

ooooo..... to echo (and reprint more quotes from derek and amy's blog) here's some more very interesting stuff to read:

"His promise over our generation still stands. He calls us a prophetic generation. We weren't just supposed to be the Mac generation, or the Christian rock generation. We were actually supposed to carry a pretty heavy mantle of creative power and prophecy, as well as a gift from God to name our elders and the power generation coming after us. "

read the rest here.

those little errors that our page had are now gone - it seemed i copied our blog html code in twice. whoops.

the lounge has now been done - big well done to bea for doing it (and having a bit of fun in the process - certainly helped her depression!), and a big thank you to those that helped her do it all.

had the electrician in this morning to isolate the wires, then bea started on the walls - it was scary how easily the wall plaster came off - didnt really need any chisels etc - most just came off by bashing it with the hammer and then pulling it off with the claw part of it.

i've had a massive head cold all day so i've not been doing a lot except walking around like a zombie, blowing my nose and sleeping. not nice.

very exciting - my mini mp3/ wma player and matrix: reloaded dvd have been dispatched, and should hopefully arrive early next week-ish.

a couple of photos of vivs before and after:

today is viv's birthday - she'll be shaving her head for a charity called TOSTAN who educate and support cultures where they practise Female Genital Cutting (FGC). we gave viv a bible for her birthday (as had been requested) - it is a perfect size for carrying in a bag but is still substantial enough to bash people over the head with. viv is going to be reading it alongside the koran - you can read about her thoughts and ponderings at her new blog.

last night andy and i were at the finalists prize giving dinner for the enterprise challenge we've been a part of. unfortunately we were'nt in the running for a prize because we were unable to attend the presentation assessment due to me breaking down. it was weird being there because we suddenly realised that this event was a big thing! they had dr. alan hart-davis as speaker who is off the tv and there were 150 people at the dinner, only 12 of whom were actually finalists. suddenly felt quite proud of ourselves.

it was great hanging with derek, amy and drew the other night - it has really refreshed andy and i in terms of having energy to keep going with coffee shop stuff and church stuff. we're asking God to teach us practical warfare - andy and i are seeking to find out more about our identity in heaven - it's been suggested that at the heart of it all, i'm a worshipper and andy is a teacher.

hey shannon - keep meaning to ring but am either too tired or i forget. the intention is there and thank you for ringing us. a real blessing. by the way shannon, you'll be pleased to hear that the neighbours may not be sleeping as well as they used to. i think there is potential for them to be woken up at least twice a week, sometimes more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love you stacy!

andy and i could do with help!

this weekend we'll be stripping out our dreadful fireplace surround monstrosity and we'll also be taking all the plaster off the walls in our lounge. we need to get it done this weekend so please can you help?

we're going to get masks and tools but if you have a mask and the right tool then can you bring it. also, can you email or ring us just to give us an idea of how many people will help.

ALSO, i've booked a 4 tonne skip so if you're trying to get rid of stuff then there will probably be space in the skip. can you check first though!

had another little film marathon yesterday - only 3 films, but they were all pretty good. was good to see barnaby again too, as it was hugh, and also rob who all made it to the films for at least part of the day.

i'm pleased to say that the sub was every bit as good as the ones in america. they even did the loyalty "sub club" card thing. they really were a foot long, and so full they were overflowing with stuff. as a starter/ tester i had the good ol' chicken teriyaki. very impressed i was. in fact the only thing different to the US ones was the price - they're not cheap....

oh well.

jen & frans wedding today. wish 'em well.

as an end of week (!) treat, i'm going to subway for lunch - see how healthy it is here!!

i actually brounght a sandwich, but after eating a bowl of muesli (that was more like a bowl of wet newspaper - viv told me after i ate it that i was s'posed to mix it with some other stuff to make it more edible) for breakfast, i've got quite hungry.

i know they're not gonna be up to the american standard of sub, but anyway.

saw bad boys 2 last night - i've not really enjoyed such a good straight out action film like that for a looong time - highly recommended viewing!

getting so impatient waiting for my mp3/ wma player - its taking ages to come in - cant wait!

plus it's coming in the same package as matrix: reloaded (which i'm certainly looking forward to)

my arms been aching a bit today - maybe all that note taking i've been doing over the years is giving me RSI!... shouldnt joke really.

"there are more people on antidepresants than voted for pop idol. maybe we should be listening to someone else."

a samaritans ad i saw today

by the way, we can spell the word antidepressants, its just there seems to be something making it do odd things (as you can see...) - the internet can be a wierd place... moogaloo.com is no way affiliated or endorsing the use of serenity (!!) antidepresants.

i am about to go and help jen and fran with their wedding prep and then i am going with cathers to see "raising victor vargas" at the cinema. andy doesn't want to see it so i'm taking the opportunity to not miss out!

in case you're wondering, i am still really struggling with depression and I have decided to go onto anti-depresants which should take a couple of weeks to kick in. i am still signed off work by my doctor.

my email has been strangely quiet these last few days - apart from the incredible emails the so many of you sent me, it made me realise that so many of the emails i receive are replies or business based. i used to love writing letters because it was so personal and there is nothing better than the post arriving and a handwritten letter waiting for you. i think i might start writing letters again.

Congratulations! You're a fuzzy navel!!


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yesterday and today have been better days. i am back at the doctor's tomorrow.

i am sooo bored... i've sat in front of computers for well over 4 hours today, with nothing to do but wander around the internet - i mean theres really not that much stuff worth looking at on it. and when i'm not sitting at computers, i'm wandering town (again, not much to do there) or waiting for students who don't turn up.

i wish i did have some tequila right now... this job makes me wanna do something stupid.

Congratulations!! You're a shot of some good old
hard liquor!


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good to know.

the italian job was a pretty good film - more of a sequel than a remake. like a cross between the original and oceans 11. apparently gigli wasnt completely awfull, and did actually have some redeeming features.

and to clarify, i have been to the theatre, just not seen a play. thank you viv.

went to see midsummer nights dream on monday - it was amazing - i mean i've never been to see a play before i dont think, especially a shakespeare, and if i have i dont remember it, but this was just sooo good. i hear they've got cheaper tickets on sale for this friday too - go and see it!!

special offer time.

the following films we have on both video and dvd. if anyone out there wants any of them (on video!), email me and they're yours. first come, first served...

se7en

fight club

l.a. confidential

romeo & juliet

so i married an axe murderer

the matrix

I had a breakdown at work yesterday and the doctor has signed me off work for a week. please get your praying hats on. Thanking God for mike yaconelli though, who wrote a book that i am really valuing at the moment.

some more photos of vivs ever changing hair.

hi. i wasn't going to go public with this because of lots of things - some reasons are ok but others really just boil down to shame. here's the thing: i've been diagnosed with depression.

at first it was a bit weird because although it explained a lot it made me feel like a fraud - so many other people in the world who go through worse and yet they can still make a cup of tea without bursting into tears and feeling like the world might be a better place without them. then there's the people who respond to you by suggesting that they had no idea you were low or struggling and to me that's really hard because i'm there going, "i've been trying to scream from the rooftops that i can't cope and i don't really know why".

then there's the relief that has kind of settled in because i'm no longer a lunatic who's going round the bend, i'm actually responding to my body's way of doing whatever it is doing.

but the hardest thing in telling people is that most of the world has come to expect BEA to be bright, enthusiastic, excited and excitable, motivating, crazy (in a good way!), creative, organised, etc etc so when they go, "but bea, this is so unlike you" or "cheer up, i'm sure it isn't that bad", quite frankly, my dear, i just want to kick their heads in and go and crawl into a hole.

the reason i'm telling you this is because i've just read the blogs and started crying and things and although i felt out of touch and missing people, the thing that seemed to wrench out the very essence of me was the fact that i felt worthless beacuse i had sent emails out before reading blogs and some of those emails weren't relevant in light of new info and then i just thought that people would laugh at me and think i was stupid or just not bother emailing back and then i thought that i shouldn't bother with this international community because what's my role in it - i feel like i just mess things up all the time. and now the tears are blurring my sight and i can't really read the keyboard so i'm going to sign off.

i'm sorry if this is a shock to you. i felt too ashamed to go public but like derek and amy blogged, you can't get healing for something you can't admit.

dammit! it keeps raining before i get a chance to bring the almost dry clothes in off the line. i guess autumn really is here now.

You are 11% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

well yesterday was an excellent day out - here are a few photos:






the coffee was sooo good, that even i liked several of the drinks - this guy seriously knows what he's talking about too. and we got shown around the roasting plant to see how it all works, and even see photos of the coffee bean farmers that make their stuff. the cup above was truely awesome - the way he managed to get the layer of choc syrup, then hot milk, then a shot of espresso, then this thick milky foam on top was amazing to see, and tasted jusst as good.

other news, bea and i are thru to the final round of the enterprise challenge, and have mock presentations to do next friday. cant believe it!!