special offer time.

the following films we have on both video and dvd. if anyone out there wants any of them (on video!), email me and they're yours. first come, first served...

se7en

fight club

l.a. confidential

romeo & juliet

so i married an axe murderer

the matrix

I had a breakdown at work yesterday and the doctor has signed me off work for a week. please get your praying hats on. Thanking God for mike yaconelli though, who wrote a book that i am really valuing at the moment.

some more photos of vivs ever changing hair.

hi. i wasn't going to go public with this because of lots of things - some reasons are ok but others really just boil down to shame. here's the thing: i've been diagnosed with depression.

at first it was a bit weird because although it explained a lot it made me feel like a fraud - so many other people in the world who go through worse and yet they can still make a cup of tea without bursting into tears and feeling like the world might be a better place without them. then there's the people who respond to you by suggesting that they had no idea you were low or struggling and to me that's really hard because i'm there going, "i've been trying to scream from the rooftops that i can't cope and i don't really know why".

then there's the relief that has kind of settled in because i'm no longer a lunatic who's going round the bend, i'm actually responding to my body's way of doing whatever it is doing.

but the hardest thing in telling people is that most of the world has come to expect BEA to be bright, enthusiastic, excited and excitable, motivating, crazy (in a good way!), creative, organised, etc etc so when they go, "but bea, this is so unlike you" or "cheer up, i'm sure it isn't that bad", quite frankly, my dear, i just want to kick their heads in and go and crawl into a hole.

the reason i'm telling you this is because i've just read the blogs and started crying and things and although i felt out of touch and missing people, the thing that seemed to wrench out the very essence of me was the fact that i felt worthless beacuse i had sent emails out before reading blogs and some of those emails weren't relevant in light of new info and then i just thought that people would laugh at me and think i was stupid or just not bother emailing back and then i thought that i shouldn't bother with this international community because what's my role in it - i feel like i just mess things up all the time. and now the tears are blurring my sight and i can't really read the keyboard so i'm going to sign off.

i'm sorry if this is a shock to you. i felt too ashamed to go public but like derek and amy blogged, you can't get healing for something you can't admit.

dammit! it keeps raining before i get a chance to bring the almost dry clothes in off the line. i guess autumn really is here now.

You are 11% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

well yesterday was an excellent day out - here are a few photos:






the coffee was sooo good, that even i liked several of the drinks - this guy seriously knows what he's talking about too. and we got shown around the roasting plant to see how it all works, and even see photos of the coffee bean farmers that make their stuff. the cup above was truely awesome - the way he managed to get the layer of choc syrup, then hot milk, then a shot of espresso, then this thick milky foam on top was amazing to see, and tasted jusst as good.

other news, bea and i are thru to the final round of the enterprise challenge, and have mock presentations to do next friday. cant believe it!!

You are 38% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

not entirley sure, but i dont think i got to sleep till around 3-4am last night. not good - gonna have to stay off the coffee for a bit.

ah yes - made 40 pints of dark wheat beer last night - this i am looking forward to - hopefully around 5.8%. i also put some fresh coriander in with the hops. got a feeling i might have put a bit much in, but we'll see. shouldnt take too long to find out with this one either.

spent todaydoing some work experience of sorts in th eexcellent ma*rx deli in broomhill - he said a litle while ago that if i wanted to spend a day in there getting a feel for what a coffee shop might run like, that i could, so i did.

i actually had a really good time, in some ways i was in at the deep end - taking calls in the first 5 mins of starting, making various types of coffees i'd never even drunk before etc. there were certainly parts where you'd run off adrenaline, which made a pleasant change form my usual job note taking (which starts next week...).

anyway, i had a lot of coffee today, which i think my body is still recovering form, hence being up at 1.40am. need to sleep.

found a cool poem by hardy today:




great things



sweet cyder is a great thing,

a great thing to me,

spinning down to weymouth town

by ridgway thirstily,

and maid and mistress summoning

who tend the hostelry:

o cyder is a great thing,

a great thing to me!



the dance it is a great thing,

a great thing to me,

with candles lit and partners fit

for night-long revelry;

and going home when day-dawning

peeps pale upon the lea:

o dancing is a great thing,

a great thing to me!



love is, yea, a great thing,

a great thing to me,

when, having drawn across the lawn

in darkness silently,

a figure flits like one a-wing

out from the nearest tree:

o love is, yes, a great thing,

a great thing to me!



will these be always great things,

great things to me? . . .

let it befall that one will call,

"soul, i have need of thee":

what then? joy-jaunts, impassioned flings,

love, and its ecstasy,

will always have been great things,

great things to me!





i never really liked poetry at school. appreciate it a bit more now....

hi everyone. how are you? i'm at work and finding very little time to look at blogs. i hardly get to check emails at home because i'm so tired! it's good to hear from you though - particularly those who email. Thank you very much - it really encourages me.

life is going ok - i was poorly last week and still have a bit of a cough but nothing too serious. work is getting busier which is better than twidling thumbs but also adds to the adrenalin!

please be praying for the coffee shop - we are aiming at new year's eve for our opening night and there is lots that needs to happen in the time between now and then but all things are possible with God! hooray for that!!

post wabiSABI - does anyone have a back door key for our house? all 3 spare keys went missing over the wabiSABI period and apart from being a waste of money ($5 for each key) it's also a little dangerous until we change locks sometime in the distant furure! let us know if you find one...

bye for now!

our canadian friend joel has joined the world of blogging - now to be found at www.musation.blogspot.com

side links now sorted, thank you rich! seeya tonight... party!!

just to say, the pepper below was not photoshopped - it really is that colour - barnaby thought it might have been.

getting beanies weekly veg bags is often a bit of an interesting experience, possibly none more so than todays however - this weeks suprise vegetable, as you can see is a purple pepper. apparently beanies are all about naturally grown and organic veg - not so sure what to make of this tho...

ah yes - and bea has passed her stage 1 british sign language exam. so well done to her.

src="http://www.bbspot.com/Images/News_Features/2003/01/os_quiz/redhat.jpg" width="300" height="90"
border="0" alt="You are Red Hat Linux. You're tops among your peers, but still get no respect from them. It's all right with you. You have your sights set higher.">
Which OS are You?

ok then. i hear linux is for geeks... and i certainly would not be wearing a red hat.

and now the top half, viv's new dreads. seeing as she's shaving all her hair off for charity in october, bea suggested she got her hair dreaded before hand. so here it is in its just been done, still kinda big, but will settle down in a few days stage.
the reason viv's getting her hair cut off is to support the charity tostan and if you would like to sponsor her, please email her at vivshavesherhead@yahoo.co.uk or come and tell her in person...

other news, i've bottled another 24 litres of beer. this time an american style steam beer - early tastings are pretty hopeful.

goodbye to bob. he leaves today.

and good luck to viv - she has her job interview...

after great popular demand, moogaloo.com can now bring you a photo of viv's behind just days after she slipped down our attic stairs (sheffield steps tend to be very steep...), breaking her fall with her bottom, this being the result - the photo have to say doesnt quite do it justice, but i didnt want to get too close...

i've since been repeatedly asked why the photo hasn't made onto the blog, but for fear of choosing the wrong one, have waited till the relevant people were present at its blogging. and so here it is, in all its glory, broadcast throughout the world to all...

cathers has found a good little quote about the coming of september which is worth a good little read - although i'd say that "albums full of minor chords and yearning melancholy" always sound brilliant, whatever the month.

it was kinda like a movie - having to get these things done for a deadline and rushing there with only seconds to go before close. exciting in a strange kinda way....

copies of the album selling well - just been down to record collector to give them a few more to sell. still some available if you want them...

andy and i had to hand in our business plan today for the enterprise competition we're involved in. God has faithfully got us through to the last round and the last 24 teams. We handed our business plan in with only 20 seconds spare!! it was all a bit of a panic but at least it's in. there are lots of holes in it but we thought we should get it in anyway - could you pray that God covers the holes where he needs to. seeing as nothing we get is deserved because it's all HIS grace could you also pray that if God wants us to win it then we will!

love you all.