in the words of POD: "every day is a new day..."

Last night I tried to post a couple of times but Blogger refused to publish for me! It was really frustrating because I had so much good stuff to tell you. I'll try and get it all down here:

Yesterday was a really good day - I felt full of joy all day and although I forgot to eat lunch for the third day in a row and I haven't managed to sleep in the day for three days also, I didn't feel too tired. The night before robin was up screaming (literally) from 11.30pm to 2.30 am which was a little difficult to say the least. Last night he was slightly kinder and decided only to scream from 2.30am to 5am!

We think we've got to the bottom of what's wrong with him - the colic doesn't seem to be the main reason he's unsettled. During a nappy change a couple of days ago I noticed some blood on the cotton wool. It turns out that he has raw nappy rash inside his butt-cheeks around his anus and this has started to ulcer. So lots of bum n' air time for robin - he seems so much more settled though. My theory is that sore bum causes distress causes unsettled feeding causes wind causes colic. Colic is now so much better and we just have to get the bum sorted!

Last night I watched 'the Italian job' (the remake) which I'd seen before and love. It was funny because I had forgotten one of the lines which I thought was so true last time I watched it and particularly true this time:

"how are you doing?"
"fine"
"you know what 'fine' stands for? - Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional."

Today I am busy with packing for greenbelt and sorting things out. I prayed lots before robin was born that God would make me more resourceful and he is really answering that prayer. I am so resourceful at the moment in terms of getting stuff done that I may even be learning to multi-task!!

Weather is shitty here - let's hope it's better for the weekend otherwise it'll be muddy fields for us and andy 'cranky pants' marshall will live up to his name!!

an update

for those of you who are praying for me or the others who are just curious, i am noticing some patterns.

1. i feel fairly good in the mornings and then i get progressively more emotional as the day goes on. this ends with me feeling incompetent as a mother and totslly lacking confidence in my parenting abilities by the first night feed.

2. homeopathy is a gift from God - my homeopath keeps giving me spot-on remedies so the feelings of being abandonned and isolated are subsiding since taking the most recent remedy she sent up.

3. i have severe tendencies to be hard on myself and particularly when it comes to watching other parents appear to 'succeed'. i need GRACE, GRACE and more GRACE!!!

other news... (which i think is highly inaccurate - blame wilkins)


Name the era, and you can name every artist from
it. You've got an eye for design and a knack
for feng shui. Color schemes, architecture, and
objt d'art - these are all your forts.
What people love: You're the perfect person to shop
with.
What people hate: They have to clean their house
whenever you come over.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

a bit of vulnerability...

i am really quite overwhelmed emotionally. robin has colic which means he spends most of his waking hours really distressed and his lungs carry quite a large capacity for noise! i have found it really hard acknowledging how crappy i feel because it makes me feel like i am an ungrateful mum - ungrateful because ultimately i have a wonderful baby (who is healthy and happy other than his colic), wonderful husband, i have a hot meal cooked for me every day by someone in our community, i have a safe home and i know God.

and also i have not wanted to suggest that maybe he was colicky because i don't want to be a hypochondriac parent.

so what i feel is isolated, abandonned, alone and not coping. today i noticed that i couldn't care less what i wore and how i looked. fortunately i recognised that i was feeling like that so i made huge effort to clean my teeth (something that is easy to forget with a baby) and wear some clothes that might make me feel good.

i know we have friends around but it's hard going from a lifestyle where you are out socialising every night to one where it feels like people don't want to see you or spend time with you. i even feel like people don't ring to say 'hi' or to see how we're doing. then i look at the reality with the small amount of sanity that remains and i do see people popping in here and there and offering their time and help.

people say that most new parents experience this which i suppose is meant to be a help but it sure makes it very hard too! if only mother nature compensated it all buy giving me back my figure straight away!!

3 weeks old today...

weighing in at 11lb 1oz (1lb, 2oz up on his birth weight), he's the undisputed heavyweight champion...
robin!!

musical education

+ + (10 x - ) =

the early morning strolls up to the shops are becoming quite a regular thing these days giving bea a break from the often disrupted night before, plus they tend to have the useful ability to send robin to sleep.
having heard that jen m however sang an abba song to him the other day, "dancing queen" no less, i have decided to start providing music for his outings in the form of a small mp3 player and headphones lying in his seat somewhere. you know how they say it takes 10 positive things to counteract a negative thing - well, i've taken things into my own hands and have been introdusing him to the likes of ryan adams and kate rusby amongst others.
in fact you can chart his musical moments on the revised side bar panel.

(no offence jen - i just really hate abba!)

boy am i tired!!!

well...
i have now got over my mastitis but i am still very weary - i feel ncredibly tired and weak which worsens as the day progresses. despite my physical tiredness i am coping with a newborn considerably well - i love being a mummy! i get pretty emotional still but i am finding homeopathy very effective in all the situations i find myself in. i keep reminding myself that i am not only getting over a pregnancy, labour and birth but also a bout of being really poorly - temperature of 102 and a night of being delirious!

robin is amazing. i love him so much and it's amazing then to start to understand that the amount i love robin is only a glimpse of how much God loves me. it is thew most profound revelation and i think it's fantastic.

robin hasn't got a pattern but that's ok - he's only little and most of all i want him to know that he is safe and loved and not on his own. i am mostly a milk machine and i can spurt milk a long way - about 50com probably!! i find that robin tends to get most of the spray over his face and hair before i realise what's going on!!

he's getting bigger - tomorrow he gets weighed by the health visitor (please pray for grace cos i find her very hard work!) so we'll let you know how he's doing. i think he's having a growth spurt - last night he fed every two hours for half an hour each time - exhausting.

today my friend zoe came round with her baby boy called tate. weirdly he looks very like robin - we all find it quite bizarre! we were talking about all the things that the ante-natal classes don't prepare you for - how tired you'll be (even without illness) was the main thing! we also talked quite a bit about the fact that we weren't prepared for how many of the births within our group would have complications. only zoe, coralie and i had totally straight forward births - out of 8 women there were 3 c-sections, one major hemorrage, and one forceps delivery. i think we would have liked to have been more prepared for this.

regarding my birth story - i think i'll write it up and somehow andy can post it as a file or a link or something so you can read it if you want to. the whole thing was amazing - apart from the bit when i felt like my clitoris was being ripped off!

so anyway, robin is now asleep having been awake from 12.30pm to 7pm. i hope he'll sleep until a 10pm feed and then have a good night. we're off to the cranial osteopath tomorrow to have a follow-up appointment - i've just read abook called 'osteopathy for children' which was fascinating.

sorry for the long post - they will probably be few and far between for a while!!


lots and lots of love to heather and scotty and their growing family. congratulations on the safe delivery of asa (can we have some help on how to pronounce it). may the peace of christ be ruling your hearts and your house!

l.a. confidential

i think i forget how good la confidential actually is - everytime you see it it just gets better and better (and makes a little more sense too).
the way the main 3 cops change throughout the film, how there's no real hero, and no one's perfect.
maybe a fnm some time?

the beer festival aftermath...

goose island ipa
lion stout
judas
rye storm
anchor porter
chimay red
chimay blue
chimay white
ara bier
rodenbach
grottenbier
grimbergen optimo bruno
duvel
guiness foreign extra
samuel smiths nut brown ale
samuel smiths extra stout
samuel smiths taddy porter
samuel smiths oatmeal stout
pecheresse
sierra nevada pale ale
lindeboom
oettinger dunkel hefeweizen
westmalle dubbel
schlosser das alt
black dog rhatas
black isle red kite ale
black isle yellowhammer bitter
black isle scotch ale
fruh kolsch
columba
mort subite frambozen

last night was a sucess.

2 weeks old today

robin's so far put on a stack of weight and doing well, despite the slightly grumpy look on his face.
its also my birthday today.

it's my birthday!!

hello all.
i know its pretty short notice, but for my birthday this year, we've decided to host a freedom road beer festival of sorts. given that bea is not quite in the condition to go out to a pub, nor is my son is old enough to come along too, it will be taking place at our house.

it'll be this friday evening coming (the 13th. oooo..!..) - whilst my birthday is on the thursday i'm guessing a few of you wont want to be drinking too much on a school night. so then friday night it is, 7.30pm onwards.

and the parts you need to play is in bringing along a few bottles of your favourite beers (or other drinks if you're not a beer drinker) and we can all try different beers.
in fact maybe this could be like the idea for the foody worship thing i had, but on a drinks level - everyone brings their favourite drinks for other people to try.

i hope it all works.
anyway, hopefully seeya people on friday

bea's better!

hello - bea here.

i am much better. mum has come back up but the homeopathy and prayer has sorted me out. i am still incredibly weak and my body not only has to recover from the birth but also a bout of serious illness.

please pray for my strength to return quickly but that i will be disciplined at resting and taking it easy!!

thank you all so much for praying or sending good vibes or whatever you did in your own way. i'll post more soon,
love bea

help!

bea's not very well - she suddenly got all feverish this afternoon - the midwife, a doctor and a homeopath all said it sounds like mastitis (bloking/ inflammation/ infection of one of the channels breast milk flows down).
we've been out to get the homeopathic remedy and a breast pump (for expressing milk to get it all moving again - having tried placenta, i though "why not?" and tried some breast milk and its not actually that bad - like thick, creamy sweet cows milk) and bea's currently lying in bed sweating out the temperature.

so anyway, if those of you inclined, please pray for her, that it passes quickly and doesnt make breast feeding with robin too difficult tonight.
thank you.

the thinker

ah yes. i'm inclined to agree...

yes... he's coming along in leaps and bounds. you know he's trying out for the 1st XV next week...

it was only day 2 and robin was lying on his chest being held by his gran looking down at the floor, and then he lifted his head right up to look straight forward, he also then the other day lifted and turned his head to rub noses with bea... very cute it was.

and then just a couple of minutes ago he smiled at bea.
or smiled at her breast more specifically.
but smiling - and its what - day 6.
and not your doing a poo/ burping smiles - an actual responding to something smile.

isnt this stuff s'posed to be happening a few months down the line?!
maybe my wish for intellectual debate with my kids will come sooner rather than later...

bea's first post since baby robin...

i've tried logging out of andy's sign in but blogger won't let me.

i thought my first post would be to tell you about my amazing birth exoerience but alas, no. instead i want to boast about my boy...

yesterday the midwife came and weighed him (normal procedure). she warned me that it's very usual for a baby to lose up to 10% of his/her body weight in the first week.

well, robin has put on 3.5oz making him currently a whopping 10lb 2.5oz!!

i am feeling stronger each day and although the last couple of days have been emotionally wobbly i'm feeling a bit more normal today. mum goes home today though so please pray - her support has been incredible and i think being on our own will be a bit of a shock. also, she has de-cluttered our kitchen!! those of you who know what our kitchen is like will not believe your eyes!

in pubs already? he's only 4 days old!!

robin got to come in to the dev cat today to see me - i mean he slept through the whole thing, but obviously wasnt put off by it. olly at work was very excited to see him and bought him a bottle of thomas hardy ale, a barley wine that apparently peaks in taste around 25 years from bottling, so he thought it wold make a good present for robin's 21st.
now in storage till then.

sadly no beer for robin yet.