i am really quite overwhelmed emotionally. robin has colic which means he spends most of his waking hours really distressed and his lungs carry quite a large capacity for noise! i have found it really hard acknowledging how crappy i feel because it makes me feel like i am an ungrateful mum - ungrateful because ultimately i have a wonderful baby (who is healthy and happy other than his colic), wonderful husband, i have a hot meal cooked for me every day by someone in our community, i have a safe home and i know God.
and also i have not wanted to suggest that maybe he was colicky because i don't want to be a hypochondriac parent.
so what i feel is isolated, abandonned, alone and not coping. today i noticed that i couldn't care less what i wore and how i looked. fortunately i recognised that i was feeling like that so i made huge effort to clean my teeth (something that is easy to forget with a baby) and wear some clothes that might make me feel good.
i know we have friends around but it's hard going from a lifestyle where you are out socialising every night to one where it feels like people don't want to see you or spend time with you. i even feel like people don't ring to say 'hi' or to see how we're doing. then i look at the reality with the small amount of sanity that remains and i do see people popping in here and there and offering their time and help.
people say that most new parents experience this which i suppose is meant to be a help but it sure makes it very hard too! if only mother nature compensated it all buy giving me back my figure straight away!!
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